I agree with you. I don't want to "need" anyone. I want to be with someone because I love them and they respect me. Although I have been seeing someone, I am usually alone and don't see him often. I hang with my children and that can be all I need. Them I need in my life. Having someone is nice, but not at the sacrifice of self-respect. I am re-evaluating this relationship at the moment anyway.
Dianne <writingsbydianne@
and over...we should look at that.
As someone on here has already said many times people feel they need
someone else but that is a wrong feeling to have in order to be
healthy. We should want someone, not need them. Test yourself and
make sure your feelings are right.
Good luck Jennifer.
D.
--- In achangewilldoyougoo
<kookie123427@
>
> I always felt guilt for staying with my children's father for so
long because they heard and witnesses a lot of the abuse. But the
second guy I married - that was just plain stupid. Boy can I
pick 'em. I am not sorry I married their father because I would not
have them - that of course is a given, but their "stepfather" was the
biggest mistake of my life - I knew it in my gut but he kept saying
he wanted to take care of us, he loved me so much, things would be
great, and I felt so confused I said yes. Then, when I wanted to
wait six months to a year, he kept badgering me to get married in two
months. And I mean badgering. Constantly telling me we should,
there was no reason not to, and against my instincts I married him.
He turned out to be a shi--- for a husband and even worse stepfather
to my babies. What a disaster!!! I have told my children repeatedly
how sorry I am for marrying him and putting them through that. I
think I am lucky they seem to have forgiven
> me.
>
> Glenda Long <glndlong@..
feeling you would say that. I felt the same way with my first husband
after I had children and I felt guilty for having children with him
and opening up to that kind of thing--but I did everything I could to
show them my love--and that is all I can do. We cannot control
another adult. But--I also know what you are saying. There are times
I have felt extreme guilt over that too.
> Love, glenda
>
> Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@
> Yeah - but I still made the choice to marry him - against my gut
instinct. For that I have to forgive myself and I have made amends to
my children.
>
> Glenda Long <glndlong@..
Mother's love like yours. The jerk was the one putting them through
that--not you.
> Love, Glenda
>
> Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@
> It does. And my kids are nuts too and I love listening to them
because they make me laugh. The best thing is that I can now sit with
them and listen to them and we laugh together. When married to that
idiot - they would hide in their rooms because he couldn't stand them
being around and talking and joking and laughing. I missed that and I
was missing out on them. I am grateful to be able to enjoy my two
teenagers and grateful that they want to be around me after what i
put them through marrying this jerk.
>
> Glenda Long <glndlong@..
> I think grief is a long process--whether it is grief from a death
or a divorce or any kind of major loss like that--we go through shock-
anger-depression-
dad and sisters--Sometimes I feel like I am just surviving through
hope--I catch myself laughing or smiling sometimes now and it feels
different--I really didn't think I would ever genuinely laugh again--
My kids are nuts--they make me laugh too. But laughter sure feels
good, doesn't it?
> Glenda
>
> Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@
> well thanks, Sonya. I can pray for myself and I do. The anger is
fading with time and I am learning to let things go. I still have
dealings (financial) with him and sometimes that brings it to the
surface. I was able to pray for my children's father because he
was/is still drinking, taking drugs, and acting crazy. For some
reason I felt good doing that, but I think I cannot pray for this
other "man" because he is "sober" and knew everything that he was
doing and did it so maliciously under the auspice of sobriety and
knowing what was best for me. I'd just as soon pray for myself and
anyone else - let G-d handle him.
>
> Sonya Bellamy <sonya.bellamy.
praying for yourself right now is the BEST you can
> do then go for it. as we heal our minds take another course and
> sometimes before we know it we are soooooooo over the person that
we CAN
> then pray for them its okay to be selfish at this time... you are
hurt
> and healing is allowed. So heal the best way YOU can not the way
anyone
> suggests you NEED to... none of us are bale to forgive right after
the
> offense.. but with time and with hope and with prayer we get
through it
> and it is THEN that we are able to help others.. right now.. a
little
> selfishness may be best.. it sounds like its been a while since YOU
> poured into YOU (smile)
>
> ____________
>
> From: achangewilldoyougoo
> [mailto:achangewilldoyougoo
> Thomas
> Sent: Monday, February 18, 2008 5:14 AM
> To: achangewilldoyougoo
> Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] From the AA Grapevine: What Is Acceptance?
>
> not praying, but any prayers for him. I can pray for myself to
forgive
> and forget but to pray for him - right now I cannot or will not - or
> both.
>
> Ian Stephenson <widow_twanky1@
> <mailto:widow_
praying
> ? Try not to let the false pride get in the way, we all do !, if
don't
> to the best of your ability you will feel the benefit..
> Love and myGgwy Ian S..
>
> An absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@
> <mailto:kookie12342
> To: achangewilldoyougoo
> <mailto:achangewill
> Sent: Monday, February 18, 2008 12:44:46 AM
> Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] From the AA Grapevine: What Is Acceptance?
>
> that is going to be the hardest thing for me to do.
>
> Ian Stephenson <widow_twanky1@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> Don't forget the 5th step is the final cleanser..Keep comming back..
> Pray for this man every night for 30 days..
> Love and myGgwy Ian S..
>
> An absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@ yahoo.com>
> To: achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com
> Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2008 11:21:54 AM
> Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] From the AA Grapevine: What Is Acceptance?
>
> actually he is not the father of my children - that is another
drunk I
> was dumb enough to marry. (But supposedly "sober"). He was after
that -
> so thank G-d no children. I was with him four years and when we got
> married he convinced me to marry him so he could help with my
children
> and take care of us. I was just out of a horribly abusive
relationship
> with my children's father - alcohol and drugs. no self-esteem,
nothing,
> afraid of my own shadow, slept with a weapon beside me in case my
> children's father came after me. i had known this other one for
sixteen
> years and he hid his trash well. put on a front for the world and
for
> AA. that is why i have been so angry with this one - he pretended
to be
> a friend who was in love with me and I confused need/love/recovery/
> everything and he fed into that, took advantage (13th step in AA)
and
> used my vulnerability to his advantage. I am angry at myself for
being a
> fool too and ignoring my inner voice that said not
> to marry him.
> The good things that have come out of it though - I am working on a
> masters degree - I became a teacher - I can afford the house I live
in
> so my children are stable - I had to do these things to support my
> children and I did and am. I wake up alone and like it. I
have "control"
> over my own life and don't answer to anyone else. I just have to
> exorcise the rest of the demons. I did a partial of that late last
night
> with step 4 (as Ian suggested) and the words that came out of my
mouth
> and onto paper were exactly how I felt and it felt so good. I will
do it
> again and again until the poison is out of my system and I am
willing to
> let G-d take over. Thanks again, Ian.
>
> Dianne <writingsbydianne@ yahoo.com> wrote: Jennifer,
>
> I am/was carrying alot of baggage from a relationship that went bad
> too. Actually it may never have been good but it was certainly not
> what I ever really wanted yet I stayed in it for years (5 years to
be
> exact). In the end when I really needed him one time I saw how he
> was just not there. We really do need to rid ourselves of the
> responsiblity of these people. It does not mean that you can't
still
> accept what you need to from them (he is the father of your
children,
> right?). For their sake too having a healthy mother is important.
>
> Hang in there Jennifer. I am learning from you too. - and Ian. :)
>
> D.
>
> --- In achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com, Ian Stephenson
> <widow_twanky1@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > " The best things I can do for myself is remember that he is no
> longer here "
> >
> > Just thinking that proves that he still very much there ! between
> your ears, he's getting a free ride, he still owns you..
> > Do a written step 4 on your resentment etc of the man and then a
> step 5 and be finished with it forever, don't put it off, no
> procrastination, no " reasons " for not doing it JUST DO IT,NOW..
> > Love and myGgwy Ian S..
> >
> >
> > An absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----
> > From: Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@ ...>
> > To: achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com
> > Sent: Saturday, February 16, 2008 6:53:50 PM
> > Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] From the AA Grapevine: What Is Acceptance?
> >
> > This morning as I walked, I thought of the same things - let it
go
> and let G-d deal with things the way they should be. Live in the
> moment and stop worrying about what happened - it is over (thank G-
> d). I don't think it has been self-pity as much as letting go of
> anger - probably at myself for feeling scammed by someone I thought
I
> knew. Makes me feel stupid. I talked with myself and G-d a bit and
I
> am working to let things go and let things be. It is a process for
> sure. The best things I can do for myself is remember that he is no
> longer here, can no longer try to control me, and in truth, he is
> probably miserable and lost a wonderful woman because of his
> stupidity. Thanks, Ian, for helping me - I'm sure I will continue
to
> need help, but I am working toward being better. I know I am better
> off and I am definitely happier without him - no question at all. I
> have a good life now, and for that I am grateful.
> >
> > Ian Stephenson <widow_twanky1@ yahoo.com> wrote: He sounds like
> he's not worked the steps, someone we call a " Dry drunk " he's not
> drinking but he's not sober either { Sobriety is not just about not
> drinking }.
> > Let him and it go..
> > Stop wallowing around in your own self pity and live for today,
get
> on with your life, we don't just try to deal with things we JUST DO
> IT ! or we don't, it is that simple..
> > You will never be free until you decide to be, what purpose is
your
> self imposed misery serving, looking for sympathy maybe ? playing
the
> victim ?
> > Life is a canvas so get some paint on it..
> > Love and myGgwy Ian S..
> >
> > An absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously
> >
> > ----- Original Message ----
> > From: Jennifer Thomas <kookie123427@ yahoo.com>
> > To: achangewilldoyougoo d@yahoogroups. com
> > Sent: Saturday, February 16, 2008 1:55:11 PM
> > Subject: Re: [ACWDYG ] From the AA Grapevine: What Is Acceptance?
> >
> > It really should not matter to me any more but it does because of
> how it affected me mentally and I am still working that through. I
> guess I am trying to understand how I could be fooled so easily by
> someone who pretended (in my observations of others in sobriety) to
> do all of the right things and lied, manipulated and abused. I knew
> this man for sixteen years before becoming involved and he was not
> like this when we were friends - he showed his true colors once we
> got married. He used the term acceptance as though he were a higher
> life form and I was someone be tolerated. But, I understand those
are
> his demons to live with because deep down he knows what he is. What
I
> need to do is just let go and not worry or think about it - it was
> what it was - and I no longer have to live with someone who made me
> physically ill to be around.
> >
> > BOB SCHUMAN <bschu1@verizon. net> wrote: It sounds to me your ex
> didn't know what acceptence is, to accept your
> > self as an alcoholic,that weren't in charge,that we are all just
> human
> > beings, to be humble, when you can accept this, you can
surrender,
> > surrender your will, to the care of God ,of your understanding,
we
> need
> > to get rid of that Ego, and false Pride. ACCEPT LIFE ON LIFES
TERMS
> >
> > On Thu, Feb 14, 2008 at 7:30 PM, Jennifer Thomas wrote:
> >
> > Sounds good but what about somebody who uses the
word "acceptance"
> in a
> > demeaning way? As if they are lowering their standards in order
to
> > "accept" a person the way they are and they act as if that is a
> favor.
> > Yes, I am talking about my ex - twelve years sober - who used
that
> term
> > with me in the most demeaning way. A man who never sponsored a
> single
> > person except on a temporary, two month basis in twelve years.
> >
> > Sandra Soraya Alzona < strawb203@yahoo. com <mailto:strawb203@
> yahoo. com>
> > > wrote: What Is Acceptance?
> > By Bill W.
> > -- AA Grapevine - March 1962 --
> >
> > One way to get at the meaning of the principle of acceptance is to
> > meditate upon it in the context of AA's much used prayer, "God
> grant me
> > the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to
change
> > the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
> >
> > Essentially this is to ask for the resources of grace by which we
> may
> > make spiritual progress under all conditions. Greatly emphasized
in
> > this wonderful prayer is a need for the kind of wisdom that
> > discriminates between the possible and the impossible. We shall
also
> > see that life's formidable array of pains and problems will
require
> > many different degrees of acceptance as we try to apply this
valued
> > principle.
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---
> > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---
> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with
Yahoo!
> Search.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> > ------------ --------- --------- ---
> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with
Yahoo!
> Search.
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---
> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.
Try
> it now.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------ --------- --------- ---
> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!
Search.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.
Try it now.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!
Search.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> ------------
> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.
Try it now.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ------------
> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
__,_._,___
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar